Tuesday, March 16, 2004
Just let me leave ...
sometimes i think of slitting myself. . and cutting up the parts of my body in pain..
many times i said u could be stronger then that... and everything is possible..
but i onlie fell greater , even greater then wat i expect
my life -
Anger
Fury
Hatred
Misery
Disgusted
sometimes i think of slitting myself. . and cutting up the parts of my body in pain..
many times i said u could be stronger then that... and everything is possible..
but i onlie fell greater , even greater then wat i expect
my life -
Anger
Fury
Hatred
Misery
Disgusted
why dont u just let me die...
i hate this feeling .. i look at my self and then my tummy , it's almost driving me to the verge .. i am almost insane .. it's upsetting me way too much ..
i need to learn to be independent and leave everyone behind me .. i don't want any one to see me like this any longer.. i cannot endure it any longer..
to me the best way is to leave.... i wish i can no longer suffer from this ..
the pain is way too much for me to take ...
all i could felt is pain and toture..
where are all the laughter..
if they did why they didn't last
i hate punching my tummy .. i realise the pain more then what i can take .
slience is what i sick .. i wana remain as slience as i can be ..
not trying to run away from the fact that i am still in pain.. i must face this over and over again .. isn't there any cure
i really hate being like this ...the anger in me .. is overcoming myself..
so i cannot be myself any longer.. i need to stand strong ..
i wish i could just drift away ... and disappear..most of the time it didn't work ..
i hate telling the truth .. to any one ..
will any one bother if it was the truth ..
will they still remeber i am a bullimic ..
and recently i just started vomitting again ..
i would not want to go through the expense.. its way too much cost..
i wish i could be happier .. suppressing my emotion .. is no longer effective any more..
i wonder did i accidentally .. punched my stomach too hard .. that now it's hurting me more..
maybe i have broken one of the blood vessels... or maybe i really need a scope ..
can i pretend to be healthy ..
can i put a smile on my face and shout i'm alrite.. don't bother ..
all in all ,everyone will forget what used to happen will happen again ..
reoccurence i call that...
it isn't easy to forget anything it was never easy..
i realise i am still be .. i think i would be better off alone then dragging on so tightly to everyone dearest to me. ..
i want to see them ..leaving me . happliy..
i don't want any one to suffer with me ..
i think it's true everyone has their own past bad expriences ..
i can never get rid of this because....
it's always there..
i hate this feeling .. i look at my self and then my tummy , it's almost driving me to the verge .. i am almost insane .. it's upsetting me way too much ..
i need to learn to be independent and leave everyone behind me .. i don't want any one to see me like this any longer.. i cannot endure it any longer..
to me the best way is to leave.... i wish i can no longer suffer from this ..
the pain is way too much for me to take ...
all i could felt is pain and toture..
where are all the laughter..
if they did why they didn't last
i hate punching my tummy .. i realise the pain more then what i can take .
slience is what i sick .. i wana remain as slience as i can be ..
not trying to run away from the fact that i am still in pain.. i must face this over and over again .. isn't there any cure
i really hate being like this ...the anger in me .. is overcoming myself..
so i cannot be myself any longer.. i need to stand strong ..
i wish i could just drift away ... and disappear..most of the time it didn't work ..
i hate telling the truth .. to any one ..
will any one bother if it was the truth ..
will they still remeber i am a bullimic ..
and recently i just started vomitting again ..
i would not want to go through the expense.. its way too much cost..
i wish i could be happier .. suppressing my emotion .. is no longer effective any more..
i wonder did i accidentally .. punched my stomach too hard .. that now it's hurting me more..
maybe i have broken one of the blood vessels... or maybe i really need a scope ..
can i pretend to be healthy ..
can i put a smile on my face and shout i'm alrite.. don't bother ..
all in all ,everyone will forget what used to happen will happen again ..
reoccurence i call that...
it isn't easy to forget anything it was never easy..
i realise i am still be .. i think i would be better off alone then dragging on so tightly to everyone dearest to me. ..
i want to see them ..leaving me . happliy..
i don't want any one to suffer with me ..
i think it's true everyone has their own past bad expriences ..
i can never get rid of this because....
it's always there..
u can now have all the things that i cannot give to u .. fuck it .. man i seriously .. don't like the feeling of insane and beyond.. cureness... it's always starting with one thing .. it has to be the stomach .. what in this world am i suppose to deserve this .. tell me.. it's gets me fucking fraustrated. . and beyond secure..
realli wana take a blade and slit open my stomach ... letting be bleed every inch ... and die in vain ..
this i anger i cannot handle...
i hate it .. i just hate it ...
i cannot shit just for 2 days .. then i am like going crazy ..
i put on a lil weight it's driving me insane .. what's worse ? what can u feel in this world like what i feel.. i dont understand i don't belong i don't exist ...
i am so scare that i am going to collaspe.. i am so scare my tummy is making me so upset and i am so sad .. i am so fat.. WTF is wrong with me ..
realli wana take a blade and slit open my stomach ... letting be bleed every inch ... and die in vain ..
this i anger i cannot handle...
i hate it .. i just hate it ...
i cannot shit just for 2 days .. then i am like going crazy ..
i put on a lil weight it's driving me insane .. what's worse ? what can u feel in this world like what i feel.. i dont understand i don't belong i don't exist ...
i am so scare that i am going to collaspe.. i am so scare my tummy is making me so upset and i am so sad .. i am so fat.. WTF is wrong with me ..
Thursday, March 11, 2004
humans..
they have their own instincts and feelings
but when it comes to expressing themself it's a total different thing..
why ...is that so ..
why is it that when we see a new born baby .. we could just break down all our defeneces and proect the baby from harm.. without even thinking the baby .. is evil ..
they have their own instincts and feelings
but when it comes to expressing themself it's a total different thing..
why ...is that so ..
why is it that when we see a new born baby .. we could just break down all our defeneces and proect the baby from harm.. without even thinking the baby .. is evil ..
